Monday, August 24, 2009

Week 16.

So, I am 16 weeks pregnant today.
I've been feeling a bit crap for the last couple of days, quite alot of fear, a bit of dread, and quite alot more fear is seeping into my life and I'm having trouble getting on top of it. So, I thought I would try and get some of it out of my system by writing here.

Please feel free to skip this post - it's a not-very-nice one.

As far as I know all is ok with the baby. But, as I have discussed here before, that means sweet FA to me due to my past experiences with pregnancy.
I've had about a month which I've spent mostly anxiety-free but as I said, over the weekend I started to think about how things might not be ok, that I don't really have any way of knowing until I see the OB next Monday and then after that the 18 week scan and then after that... you know how it goes...
Yesterday, I read the article in the Herald about Mia Freedman and her new book. I have been reading her blog Mamamia for about 2 years and I visit daily. If you don't visit already, I thoroughly recommend it!
I've thought before, from the way she has written about it, that she may have experienced miscarriage or something awful like that, and reading the interview yesterday it turns out that unfortunately she has. At 19 weeks she found out that her baby had died at 16 weeks. So sad and so so hard.
To be honest, reading that sent me RIGHT over the edge. Fear of God territory. And I don't think I am quite on the road to recovery just yet.

Anyway, I shall persevere and try to get the better of my own mind as soon as possible.

Thanks for listening.



PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh Megs, I feel your pain. I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregancy - early at nine weeks, but undiscovered until 12 weeks - and was anxious the whole way through my pregnancy with my daughter (my husband too - he persisted in saying "If" rather than "when" right through the pregnancy). Once you've experienced problems it's tough to be optimistic, but I really hope you'll be able to think positively again. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you - and will even offer a prayer or two despite my non-religious status! Hugs xx

megs said...

PPMJ - That was so lovely to read and so comforting to hear from someone that understands.
Thank you xx

Kristalee said...

Hi Megs,
I dont really have any wise words I am sorry but I am thinking of you and hoping and wishing that all will be well!

Kristalee said...

Hi Megs, are you ok? Ive missed your lovely posts xx

Iris said...

Don't worry sweetie, we're all 'rooting' (for want of a better word!) for you and your little one. Am sending positive thoughts out into the universe for you both :-)